What not to do for love

I have to share my experience from the 'GATES OF LOVE' event. After a process of life coaching, where I was encouraged to try new avenues and open my mind to new experiences, an event for singles was highly recommended and I decided to give it a try. Just one more thing I know I will NEVER do again.

My life coach suggested I attend an interesting evening of lectures and activities for people in a similar phase of life.

I'm afraid this experience fits into the category of 'OV VEY'. My attitude was strong, my make-up impeccable, my heels high and my girlfriends at my side. We went in the spirit of enjoying the moment and with no expectations whatsoever. I had been told that this would be an evening of activities and lectures, in the company of like-minded single people, and was looking forward to trying something new.

I should have sensed that something was up when I arrived 15 minutes late and was the third person here. A circle of chairs had been set up next to a warehouse, and there was a drinks table with Red Bull, Vodka, a bottle of wine and some water. Within 5 minutes one guy had literally downed 2 red bulls, spilled the wine, and left. He was the only male there at that stage. By the time 11 o'clock came around, there were 24 people. 16 women, 8 men. I was a little shy but trying hard to embrace the experience and allow the real me to show. I was also trying not to be judgmental, but I have to admit that a stranger collection of men I have NEVER seen. Instead of an exciting episode of Sex in the City, I found myself in a spoof of 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly', except this was more like 'The Short, The Fat and the Hideous'. And this is the NON-judgmental me talking. I am absolutely convinced that the guy who sat in the corner hugging his knees had been released for the night from a low-security mental institution for good behaviour.

But still, all was going fine until they called us into the warehouse. No air conditioning, confined space, and no lights. And in the dark, we are asked to remove our shoes, stand in the hall, and listen to our breathing. While this may be the right approach for an ashram, I must admit I started to feel a little out of my personal comfort zone. That only escalated when I was asked to imagine myself as a tree in a forest, sucking up the water through the roots (the roots being my beautifully manicured feet on the filthy warehouse floor…), swaying in the wind, getting in tune with the other trees. At this point I was being a good sport, but I admit that I started panicking when I was handed a blindfold and told to cover the eyes of a male tree in the hall. However, in the spirit of openness and adventure, I decided to play along. I went up to one of the shorter 'trees', covered his eyes, and realized my cloth was too short to reach all the way around his head. That's probably because it was covered in so much hair there was added volume of at least 15 cm in circumference. Luckily, though, his hair had enough gel on not to pose a real problem, as I took the blindfold and simply tucked it into the hair, pressing on it to get it to stick nice and tight.

At this point my giggles had started coming up to the surface and I focused my attention more on how to avoid laughing out loud, cause my giggle is contagious and I didn't want to spoil everyone's enjoyment. People were taking this event VERY seriously, I could see a lot of focus on the roots and leaves of the trees, but try as I may I started laughing and couldn't stop.

And then we were told to 'make like the wind', and make the 'male trees' sway in the breeze, hold their hands and move their 'leaves' with the wind. That was it for me. My new approach went out the window and rather than 'making like the wind' I did my own version of 'Gone with the Wind', and made my great escape. My girlfriends followed shortly. Hopefully they will start talking to me again one of these days

It looks like there are certain things this girl is STILL not prepared to do in the name of potential love. I am okay with that. But 'The Gates of Love' and I are not going to be getting together again any time soon.