Happily ever after

As kids, fairy tales con us into thinking life is a package deal with ‘happily ever after’ at the tail end. We aspire to meet our prince and ride off into the sunset with our knight in shining armor, and our anticipated worst case scenario is the potential need to kiss a couple of frogs before our dreams come true.

Reality kind of sucks. In my case at least, the tales I’ve had to tell made grown men cry. I had to put myself out there, over and over again, for years. My ego was bashed by words, actions and apathy. From cyberdating to singles events to blind dates and pick-up bars, you name it, I tried it. And when nothing worked, the alternatives were also plentiful – some entailed eating copious amounts of chocolate until I felt ready to get back on the bandwagon, other more effective solutions included group life coaching and long conversations with wonderful friends.

The advice never stopped, including: “Have you thought of losing a little weight?”; “Stop trying so hard and it will just happen”; “Do something with yourself. Wear some make-up" (and its corollary: “Try being yourself and a wear less make-up”). “Go and study something” (I have a diploma and two degrees, spent 8 years at university, and I should GO AND STUDY?????). “Make it well-known that you’re single” (at times I wondered whether there was anyone left in the western world who didn’t KNOW that????). And, of course, the final nail in the coffin on my dreams for love and marriage: “Just come to terms with fate and have a couple of kids on your own (A serious consideration but I have seen friends do the single mother thing and I think they are worthy of more respect than the Pope!). Yet I seriously considered each and every one of these options, even trying a few of them on for size along the way.

This blog was one of the more therapeutic ways of dealing with my dating experience. I reasoned that if I could make other people laugh at my own experiences, that might make the experiences more worthwhile and seem less serious than I felt they were. I must admit, however, that I only had the courage to start publishing the blog when I found myself in the first healthy relationship I’d been in in years, and had a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

So six months ago I put together the first entry of Jaded Date, and almost religiously I sat down each Saturday after that and put a different experience down on paper. Months later I could not believe that I still had anything to write about, especially considering that my relationship was still bounding along and I certainly had no new material to draw upon. And then, just as I had been inspired to start writing, three weeks ago I woke up one Saturday morning and found I no longer had anything to say on the subject. Like Forrest Gump when he stops running, ‘just like that’, I ran out of steam and left my blog dangling in the air. I had a big trip coming up – my boyfriend and I were going abroad together for the first time - there was a lot to organize, and a dating blog just didn’t have the same pull it had had for the preceding months.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that when I came back from the trip, my boyfriend would no longer be my boyfriend.

He would be my fiancé.

In an uncharacteristically romantic gesture, a beautiful diamond ring was handed to me on the first day of my trip, and I’ve been wearing a monster-sized grin ever since. I now know what it feels like to walk on air, and I am hugging every moment of this joyous time as if there’s no tomorrow.

This is my last entry of Jaded Date. This journal allowed me to exorcise the demons left by dozens of disastrous dates interspersed over the last 15 years. It did not give voice to many of the wonderful experiences I had along the way, or to the truly meaningful and life-shaping experiences (good and bad) I had with significant people over the years. Some things are better left unpublished, even though I have no doubt they played a more significant role in shaping the woman I’ve become than the one-off experiences logged on this blog.

One thing I’m certain of: I am truly grateful for it all. For the bad dates, the failed relationships, the coaching, the friends who experienced this all with me, the friends, acquaintances and strangers who constantly wanted to introduce me to new people, and to the wonderful prince charming who showed up at the perfect time in my life and allowed me to crawl into his heart and get truly comfortable.

Perhaps happily ever after is possible after all……