Another date, another therapy session

One of my first Internet dating experiences was so bad that I figure if that didn't put me off, nothing would. Being new to this, I was fairly innocent and didn't think to wonder why, under 'height' in his profile, he had written 'Will tell you later'. I must admit that I barely look at the 'stats' (at least, I did until that night…)

Before our date I went walking with a good friend, who gave me a few tips. Everyone has their tips. Especially the ones who have had no blind dates ever, or maybe one blind date where he looked like Brad Pitt and still sends flowers every valentine's day. My friend is one of those. She is actually jealous that I get to go on dates while she has to stay home with her adonis husband and two beautiful children. I told her if she thinks it's so exciting perhaps she should go on the date and I would stay at home with her husband (I was surprised at how quickly both she and her husband agreed to the plan. But that's a whole other story…). So, my friend and I went walking and she said she thinks I need to amend my attitude and treat the dates as if they were children. I am so good with kids, and they sense my confidence, so I win them over so quickly. So my friend thinks that if I could exude confidence with men the way I do with kids, I would be far more successful. Interesting point of view.

Turns out, this was not so hard to do, since my date is possibly only slightly taller than my sister's 15-year old daughters. He could be my child. I felt like Jack Spratt's wife next to the guy. He would weigh 50KGs when he was bloated. Imagine his horror when he saw me arrive, all 1.62 meters of me. Do you know how hard it is to find someone a head shorter than I am? There are maybe 3 men in this country who are shorter than me, and 2 of them are married. Well, last night I met the third. All he could say the whole night was how he didn't expect me to be so tall. One would have thought that if this was such an issue for him he would have bothered to check the stats on the site (it's not like I hid anything there…), or perhaps he’d have been honest about his own diminutive stature (and I’m being generous…)! At one point I got so sick of the tirade that I stopped walking and took off my shoes so he could see that actually I'm short too (not shorter than him, mind you…but short nevertheless), and then asked him to stop moaning about it…. I am certainly the last person in the world to consider height a 'must have' factor in a relationship, especially since mine is nothing to brag about!

He also couldn't decide what we should do. I had gone into Tel Aviv to meet him, we met 3 minutes from his house, but he couldn't decide where to take me. And when I told him that I didn't know the area and would prefer it if he picked a place, he told me it was obvious I like my men to ‘take control’. In the end I suggested we just drive to a park down the road for a walk - it's well lit and very public and I figured at least I wouldn't waste the poor guy's money since there was no way he'd ever get any return on his investment if he did spend on me. So apart from him being short, insecure and undecided, he also told me that right now he's just looking for a good time and is keen on short passionate relationships (= one-night stands) rather than anything with commitment attached. And here I was, wasting what would have been the perfect curl-up-on-the-couch-and-watch-the-penultimate-episode-of-The-Bachelor- night, just so I could walk around a humid park with an indecisive, deluded dwarf. Give me a break.

The cherry on top was when we got back in his car and pulled up to his house, where I told him he could take my parking spot. And would you believe it, he actually asked if I didn't want to come upstairs. And when I gave the usual polite 'it's getting late and I really should get going' response, his comeback was that tiredness should never prevent one from a bit of loving. I kid you not. LOVING?? This horny little midget actually thought he was getting action with Big Mama.

So I told him I would squash him like a bug in bed, and that the best offer he was going to get from me all evening was a good parking place.

Not surprising when I didn't hear from him again.

Keep tuned for the next episode…...